He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
