sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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