Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
