Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
