Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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