We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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