had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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