i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
