My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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