at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize