My first STD was from a foam party
Buhtt sex?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
