Where did you get a picture of my penis
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
