So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
