ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
