Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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