So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm both gender and math confused
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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