at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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