It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
