It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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