dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just had sex bonerless
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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