I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Let's get the cat blown out
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
