I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
