Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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