He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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