Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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