cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
