So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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