help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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