I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
