wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
