you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
