we have officially lost it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
