"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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