there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
