If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Houston, we have a squirter
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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