She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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