they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
