3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize