Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
