i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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