no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
