5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
