she woke up with a sticky ear
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
