Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
