Just fell off a train. Bad.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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