I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
