Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
