I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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