Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
