I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
