Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
