alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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