She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
