Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
