Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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