Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
