My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
