yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
