I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
