why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
