He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
