She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
