i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
