Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize