In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
