I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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