oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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