There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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