he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
