I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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