you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
